Monday, April 12, 2010

Who the Hell Do I Think I am, and Just What Do I Think I am Doing?

Hey Kids!

This is my second go round with having a blog. The first one was a moderately successful one about useless but fascinating products that I really wanted to buy couldn't. For some reason, it got really boring for me, and probably for the literally tens of people who would check in on it occasionally. Ergo, I abandoned it; however, I am sure you can still find it somewhere if you look hard enough. It was called "Stone Cold Stump." Weirdly enough, it did have a following. A sad a possibly deranged following, but a following nonetheless (much like that of Gwar or Sarah Palin.)

Anywho, when I get bored, I wind up looking for new things to do to occupy my time. I was reading some other blog one day and came upon the brilliant and demented work of Julie Jackson, creator of Subversive Cross Stitch. I immediately became enthralled by the silliness of it all. What could be more fun than creating charming yet filthy-mouthed little pieces of art? Nothing. That's right. Nothing.

So I called up my oldest and dearest friend Andrea. She is all sorts of crafty. She tried to teach me how to knit once, but I wound up with the longest and most misshapen scarf ever documented. It was awful. Like "I would not buy this from a sale of the work of mildly retarded and blind pre-teens in order to rebuild their school that burned down" awful. I asked her if she thought I would be able to cross stitch. Much to my pleasure, she immediately said "Absolutely, it's as easy as anything."

The fact that she never followed up with, "And why do you want to cross stitch" either says a lot about her or a lot about me. I have yet to decide. However, if I told her the truth and said "I found a pattern for a cross stitch that says "Shut Your Whore Mouth" and I want to make it, she would have been right there with me. She is that kind of gal.

So with a little trepidation, I ordered the kit. The deee-lux $20 one with the hoop and everything. It arrived less than a week later, and I got to work.

The directions were pretty clear, and surprisingly, withing a few hours, I had created my first masterpiece.

I was so tickled with it. It was like it released some new form of weird in me that made me want to do more. So, I got right online and ordered two more kits: Candy Ass and Bite Me. I actually stayed in on a Saturday night to finish both of them. Here is how they look while nestled up on my warm TiVo...

I love them quite a bit.

More soon!


  1. I love this post and your wicked humor! I'll have to keep an eye on you, mister, you are hilarious! Thanks for the kind words about Subversive, too. xo jj.

  2. I have never used this phrase and not meant it bitchy, but here goes....

    "Coming from you, that means so much..."