Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stitch Along With Stump: Love, Indifferently

First of all, my loves, this is NOT, I repeat NOT, the ugliest cross stitch in craftdom I promised to show off last week. I got sidetracked this weekend by some other stuff (including this one). I say this because I had an image of posting this and having several posts saying, "Hey- that really is the ugliest cross stitch I have ever seen. No joke." Trust will know.

I lived in Philadelphia for a hot minute back in the early Nineties. One of the few things I remember (I think I was sober for a good 17.5 minutes back then, and those minutes were not sequential.) was Robert Indiana's "LOVE" statue in the aptly named LOVE Park in center city. It was very near where I would get the bus from my disgusting job, so I would use it as a landmark on those nights when I It was hard to miss.

The next picture is my favorite of Indiana's variations of his "LOVE" pieces...

When I first found out about on-line pattern makers (the one I use can be found here: ) one of the first things I ran through it was this picture. I just always liked it, and I thought the fact it was in black and white would make it a bit easier. Turns out, no. For the black and white picture above, the pattern maker came back with a chart that included over thirty different DMC colors.

When I printed it out, it looked like this...

The nice things about it are that it has a nice stitch count on the side and it does give you the DMC colors required.

The bad thing is that it can be really hard to read. I think I would try it on a color printer next time. It was a little hard to read.

Here's what I have so far...

As usual, I have no idea how I feel about it yet. There is a huge mistake going on in the upper right part of the "O." I might just repair that, and then leave it as a single thing instead of doing the other four quarters.

What I like about it, so far, is that I decided to do the negative space instead of the positive (ooooh...smell me with my art fart terms and whatnot). I think if I do decide to keep going with it, I'll make do the letters of the top two so it looks like a rubber stamp and the actual stamp.

Eh, who knows.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Seriously Ugly. Seriously.

Just to keep the literally tens of you out there who actually pay attention to what I am doing on here in suspense for the weekend...

I am currently working on what might be the ugliest cross stitch project I have ever done. Seriously. There is just no getting around it.

I found a small pattern in a really nice book ("A Rainbow of Stitches" if you are curious) filled with really nice projects and things. It really is a gorgeous (and I don't use that word often) book.

I found this small pattern that just looked so awesome in the pictures. I had some oddly colored Aida to use and chose an odd color of DMC floss I was sure would do well together. I even had a funny little phrase and a font all picked out for it.

Worked on it for about an hour and a half before I realized how truly unattractive it is.

I am going to finish it though, just to show it to you all.

I'll try to get it done while i am doing laundry on Sunday.

Seriously ugly. Seriously.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Stitch Along with Stump: Still Sweet, Less Sticky... But is it Done?

And so, another project comes to an end. Sort of.

I have two issues with the completed work here:

1. I really should have used five strands of floss as called for in the directions. I shall ne'er doubt the ancient wisdom of Ondorisha again. The thicker strands would have really made it all pop even more on the black background and would have made it that much more wacky and over the top.

2. I really sort of love it. I love the colors and am glad I did it on the black background. It almost makes it look like some sort of stylized Japanese LED display. An ad for a candy shop in Blade Runner. (Yeah Brent...butch it up. Butch that candy shop cross stitch you did right the fuck up with a Blade Runner reference.) As I said before, my original plan was to stitch the Ondarisha pharmacy right next to it, but now I'm not sure. We'll see. Not everything has to be a joke, I guess.

There were times it was a huge pain in the ass to do. Lots of little color switches and whatnot. It was especially perturbing in the area with the long jars because I'll be damned sometimes if I could figure out the difference between two of those shades of pink or the subtle shading of white and the lightest blue possible. It probably would have been more pronounced if I had just FOLLOWED THE DAMNED DIRECTIONS. (Mother? Is that you?)

All in all, I really and fond of it. Again, not sure what to do with it.

And yes, everyone, I promise to iron it soon.

And for those of you who have been waiting for two weeks for the great mystery to end.... here is the part of the directions where it said TIT a lot, and here is how that are turned out.

Ha! Tit. Never not funny.

Things I Wouldn't Understand. Things I Shouldn't Understand, part deux

Bonjour, mes amis.

Je m'appelle Yves-Gaston.

Bienvenue to my tasteful maison.

Oui, it is just a small pied-a-terre here in Pennsylvania where I take some time for myself when Paris gets too crowded avec les touristes.

Fumez-vous? Would you like a Gauloise? Yes, it is all I see fit to smoke, I am afraid.

Here, come sit by my giant ashtray while I tell you all of the bon mots I have learned about Napoleon from this old issue of Paris Match I found in my closet.

The lamp?

Oh how impressive of you to notice. What a cultured eye you possess, ma petite choux!

Believe it or not, I hand stitched it myself. Les can-can girls are tres Francais, n'est-ce pas?

Tres, tres Francais.

Oui....I find MacCall's Complete Book of Stitchery to be the only true source of such breathtaking, truly Continental design.


Where are you going?

Why do you look so scared?

Oh well... Au revoir, mes amis nouvelles.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Still More Things You Do for Your Friends, or, Prepping My Line of Foul-Mouthed Linens

So one of my oldest friends, Beth, saw the ever-tasteful "Namaste Bitches" cross stitch on my Facebook page, and said (probably in jest) "That would be great on a yoga towel."

"Yes," I said to myself, "this would be an awesome yoga towel." Of course, I have no clue what a yoga towel should look like. Do you wipe yourself off with it? Do you wipe off other people? Do you just wipe off your little mat with it? The possibilities are endless and disgusting.

Luckily enough, the castle of joy that is Jo-Ann Fabric had had a sale on hand towels not too long ago, so I had picked a few of them up with no real clue what to do with them.

It was all just so serendipitous.

I used the same font as before, but the border would have been a bit much for the smaller space and overpowered the towel, so I found some paisley doodads and just used them. They look a little cockeyed, but I think that adds to the charm. At least that is what I am telling myself and you.

I forgot to take a picture of it before I sent it off....luckily Beth took one that I am cribbing and slapping on here.

Perhaps this will be the start of my new kitchen and bath towel empire.

Soon people all around the world will be wiping their areas with my foul-mouthed terry cloth creations.

And then they will have to change the name of the store to "Brent, Bath, and Beyond."

Or I will just make towels for my friends. They are easy and fun.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Parallel Universe

Did you ever see one of those episodes of "Intervention" on A&E (The Arts and Entertainment Channel, which, as it turns out, is rarely artful or entertaining...discuss) where instead of just giving the addict in question money to go buy their own drugs, friends and family members insist on actually going with the addict to the drug purchasing location? I never actually understand what the family member is trying to prove. Is there some sort of protection the family member feels he or she can offer? Does said family member think his or her presence alone will cause the addict to wake up and say, "You know what mom? You're right. I don't need to shoot up today. Thanks for being here?" Or is it just flat out morbid curiosity about where their child/brother/friend spends his time?

It just makes me curious.

In other news, my neighbor and possibly another friend of mine are heading out of town on a floss run on Saturday! I have heard rumors that AC Moore is having another "five for a dollar" floss sale!